8/3/15 - 30/4/16
Saturday, April 30, 2016 
8:09 PM ♥
8/3/2015
今天去买礼物给我妈咪的时候，
今天去买礼物给我妈咪的时候，
突然想起我爸爸，
哈哈哈哈哈哈。
因为Karen说如果我买心形的礼物盒，怕我爸爸会吃醋。HAHAHAHA。
但是我觉得我妈咪才会吃醋我和爸爸。
因为我和我爸爸很好，
好到有一间帮我剪头发的阿姨都说我爸爸是我的男朋友。
每一次我去剪头发，
她看到我都会问我：
“你男朋友载你来啊 ?”
我就会尴尬的笑笑然后回答她。
很怕别人会误会。
可是她总会帮我解释：
“我其实是在说她的爸爸，她跟她爸爸很好的，还会手牵手！很羡慕噢。”
有时候我爸爸会拉着我的手，
然后说：
“等下别人以为我们是情侣哟，老牛吃嫩草。”
然后自己在那边笑 哈哈哈哈哈哈哈。
很可爱！
有时候我会靠着他的肩膀，
然后他靠着我的头。
很温馨的感觉。
有时候我也会很主动去勾住我爸爸的手。
爸爸真的是女儿的No.1 Superman。
无论发生什么事，
总是会有他。
Plus我可爱的爸爸真的很幽默，
说话很直接，
也很搞笑。
他搞笑的功力，
一流到有时候我整顿饭一直在笑。
也许是我的笑点很低吧 哈哈哈哈。
我很爱我的家人，
很爱我的父母，
很爱我的姑姑，
很爱我的妹妹，
很爱我的外婆外公，
很爱我的亲戚们。
我觉得我最珍惜的真的就是他们了。
虽然爸爸的脾气有时很暴躁，
可是还是我最爱的爸爸。
希望上帝让我们永远都不分开。
让我的家人们永远开开心心，快快乐乐，健健康康。
That's what I'm praying for all along the days.
____________________________________________________________
10/3
今天2点就上完课了，超开心的，
在Computer room和Alex一起做各自的功课。
我告诉他我买了我一个星期的早餐，
可是我的housemate昨晚来我的房间拿掉我的早餐：
“I'm having cognitive dissonance now。”
他笑到肚子痛。
我也不懂有什么好笑，
我的心理真的不平衡嘛 哈哈哈 从来不喜欢别人搞乱我的计划。
Alex是一个很好又很欠打的人。
是他告诉我西马人对东马人的perspective的。
但是他总是很喜欢作弄我们（东马人），
他总是说：
“你们Sarawak有车的哈 ?”
“你们Sarawak有shopping malls的啊 ?”
故意激怒我们 哈哈哈。
然后终于有一天，
他在做他Econs的presentation，
他不会弄powerpoint，
就来问我：
“Eh Beatrice can you help me to do the animation thing ? Something like will pop out like that one.”
“Are you sure you are going to ask a Sarawakian to help you?”
他speechless。
我笑了 哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈 爽！
“Okay, I admitted I don't know how this time。”
HAHAHAHA。
但是他是一个好人啦。
还有一个人更欠打，
他认为我们东马人住乡下的。
“我比较好，我没有认为你们住在树上，是住在kampung里！”
Oh well.....................
I'M GOING BACK TO KUCHING IN 3 DAYS TIME ! :)
____________________________________________________________
我，
也很想念。
今天读了一个朋友的blog。
我呆滞了好久。
那个blog里面是写着，
她有多想念她的好朋友等等的。
我觉得想念这种事情是不能比较的，
没有比较想或比较不想，
可是我真的很想念她。
我和那个朋友唯一不一样的是，
她想念她的好朋友了，
回去还可以见面；
我想念我的好朋友了，
怎样能见面呢。
又想起了那个梦，
在那个梦里面，
我看见了她，
我有好多好多话对她说，
她却只是静静地看着我。
我知道我很容易被欺负，
她总是告诉我要学会保护自己，
变到有时候我会欺负她了 哈哈。
今天我的朋友也告诉我，
她的好朋友打来，
她很开心，聊了2个小时的电话。
我脑海又出现了你。
谁可以陪我煲电话粥啊；
谁又能听我在电话里大哭啊。
你想她，
我想她。
不一样的是，
我只能在梦里遇见她了。
____________________________________________________________
有时候觉得，
生活原本就很容易过的。
就是情绪化的人把生活弄到很麻烦。
而我就是那个情绪化的人。
我现在相信上帝之前给我的那些考验，
就是为了让我面对现在的日子。
Always keep your words soft and sweet,
just in case you have to eat them someday.
这句话很有意思。
说话缺德的人，
小心有一天把自己的话吃了噎着噢。
____________________________________________________________
30/4/16
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL.
I should've posted the blog above 1 year plus ago.
Life changed a lot.
I actually forgot how to start to write a blog and I just realized I don't use to type mandarin anymore /______\
“坚婷，你的华文跑哪去了 ?!”
Last year my Chinese subject teacher actually posted that comment in my post.
Hahahahahahahaha
There are lots of people who used to follow my blog but I don't really know how are you guys now but hope everything is well.
I remember I used to blog whenever I feel sad, happy, depressed, stress and all sorts of things LOL.
Sometimes I even cry while blogging omggg that's just funny whenever I think of it now.
And I also remember how my friends always ask me to mention them in my latest blog posts hahahaha that's so cute.
Until last year I got really really busy.
Thought studying SAM was easyyy but I'm wrong LOL.
'Cause they used to say 70% for internal assessments only 30% for final exams but WHO KNOWS INTERNAL ASSESSMENTS INCLUDE CLASS TEST -____- DUH.
It literally makes every "SMALL" class tests a big thing.
And I wished to study foundation actually because was thinking that as long as you pass the requirement you can get into the course you want.
Not like those general pre-u programmes that you really had to work hard to score WELL to grab a seat in your interested course.
但是呢最后还是读了SAM。
I wished to get an ATAR of 98 actually.
Although I didn't but I think I'm satisfied with 96.
It's because I took Psych and the points of obtaining A in Psych is not as high as Spec Maths or Science subjects.
And I didn't get merit for my Bio. Although I think it's okay 'cause at least I got a A+, but I couldn't forget how my bio teacher actually blamed me for not getting a merit for it LOL :(
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND
I worked part-time in TCSJ! Hehehehe never thought that it was this fun doing part-time job there hahahahaha and there are actually a lot of funny and cute stuffs inside that small admissions office!
There's one day I was working as receptionist.
没想到接电话也是这么难的一件事。
“Good morning, Taylor's College~”
然后：”Hold on please~”
Hold了电话之后马上用最快的速度scan through全部要转接的号码，
很困难地才找到要转的号码 LOL
Sometimes I even transferred the wrong call HAHAHAHA and the staffs actually called back and tell me which number to transfer *embarrassed*
还要接待父母、学生，
还要带他们campus tour，
When the counselors were tired I supposed, they will be like "Oh I have a student which completed SAM, I'll let her talk to you guys!"
然后还要向他们介绍下SAM。
But it's good which I sold alllllll my textbooks to them hahaha
But I remember on the same day,
It was raining very heavily outside.
有一个脸很臭的妈妈进来enquire，
要走的时候有一个counselor要撑伞送她到车上去，
但是，我总不能让一个老人家（That counselor looks pretty old)去送人家，
所以自己就volunteer。
我以为那个妈妈把车park在college carpark 'cause she's like "It's just there only!"
And she didn't smile at all when I first saw her, she even threw her things to me just because she wanted to go to toilet and need someone to hold her stuffs for her LOL.
But I still SMILE to her and say "Okay sure!"
And she brought me out of the college, across the road, all along (down) the road which it looks like flooding, about a 100 steps away from college's main door.
我帮她撑伞，
可是她好像不想让我撑，
就也伸手来撑伞，
But the thing is half of my body is already wet.
Even when she's getting into her car she's still a bit mad 'cause when she opens the door 有几滴雨喷到她 and she's like "Please hold the umbrella carefully!"
Yeap, and she slammed the car's door on my hand without sorry, or even thank you that I sent her back to her car.
我很很很很很委屈！！！！！！！！！
Holding a damn big heavy umbrella and going back to college's office.
Haih, it's not everyone that you treat them nice will also treat you nice.
I don't expect that but at least don't bully me. Lol.
But the next time when she came back to TCSJ and trying to look for counselors,
The staffs are asking me like “你要我去假假拿registration form来打她吗 ?”
LOOL Damn cute hahahahaahaha
And they all started to gather in office and say something bad about her HAHAAHA!
TCSJ Open Day!
That's another working weekends that I couldn't forget 'cause it's tooooooooo fun xD
Ps. They say without me helping it's boring okay!
HAHAHAHA
The fun thing is that we get to use walkie-talkies.
And I worked as usher, campus tour guide, in registration and counselling before so basically I was running around the college.
But there's once I reminded the ushers to tell me if there's 帅哥 coming in,
Use the walkie-talkie to send" EE O EE O"，“医噢医噢” signal！
*ACTUALLY I'm not interested but just having some fun! HAHAHA
And I really thought this was just a joke.
Until my funny Indian friend used the walkie-talkie and actually said VERY LOUD "EE O EE O!!!"
我们全部吓到了，
'cause I was working in the registration counter and there I was actually serving a family and that sound came outtttttttttttt OMGGGGGGG I quickly turned down the volume!!
And then there's another funny Indian friend (LOOOL I just love them so much 'cause they're soooo funny) who screamed "BEATRICE, EE O EE O" in front of the two handsome guys (she reckoned)
And the two guys actually turned back and looked at her like, "Yes?"
DAMN AWKWARD AND FUNNY!
她还趁机搭讪“What's your name?”
Duhhhh.
And we used the walkie-talkie to play with security guards when we worked as ushers.
Never know the guards are so cute too LOL.
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww was throwing back too much.
__________________________________________________________
有些人那么努力想要活下来；
为什么偏偏有些人却那么不争气地结束自己的生命。
那些人都那么善良。
为什么就不活了。
是世界太黑暗吗
是这世界太可怕吗。
是不是坏人太多了。
道德观念沦丧，
是因为很多人都太自私了吗。
每一次都努力想成为更好的人，
每一次都想不自私地对别人付出，
可是每一次都失望了。
有谁真正懂呢。
反而你一直一直对他们好，
有一天不好了，
他们才会记得，
会提醒你怎么不好了。
好累哦。
可是谁懂啊。
我说不了我自己不OK。
不知道什么时候开始，
渐渐地可能不对别人说了。
因为觉得真正的痛苦是说不出来的，
能说出来的都不是痛苦。
世界上那么多人受苦受难，
因为自己经历这一点事情就喊累，
那我自己岂不是和那些无病呻吟的人一样。
所以当有人能对你说：
“I feel like you're not okay.”
I just feel thankful. Thank you for understanding.
I am not okay.
But I will be okay.
Even when someone just grab your shoulders,
touch your head,
you will feel like,
they're saying "Yeah you did well enough.辛苦了。" silently.
I was holding back my tears.
Really hard.
Until Coco grabbed my shoulders.
I couldn't resist.
_________________________________________________
I had this strange feeling when Coco told me he actually disappeared for few days.
I was worried.
Like
really worried.
I thought like what they said,
He's fine.
I know this is not good but,
I accidentally saw the message of my friend's,
"They've lost a bro".
I couldn't stop thinking about it.
I confronted them,
I cried.
Was keep repeating:
"Is he okay?"
"Can you tell me, is he okay? Please."
No answer.
Which I fear more.
One thing I really hate about myself is I caaaaaaaaaannot control my tears DUH.
"Then can you at least tell me, do you think, he is happy now?"
“Sorry I couldn't answer this.”
All she did was hugging me. And all I did was crying.
Because him himself decided to end his life?
...................
I guess so.
I just talked to him last week.
We were just making fun of him. Last week.
I remember he is the one who always play guitar when we're having iconnect group gathering.
And we discussed about him before saying he's nice polite gentle kind.
But who knows a person like that hid a lot of secrets and sufferings behind that no one actually tries to understand and listen to him.
I felt pain for him.
Deep inside.
Just can't imagine how did he suffer that makes him decide to do this.
I really hope he is happy now.
With God.
At least, I have an angel friend up there with him :)
I will miss you my friend.
____________________________________________________
Thanks to the one who first listened to me when I have no one to talk to,
And thanks to the one who can't leave me alone and follow me wherever I go.
今天2点就上完课了，超开心的，
在Computer room和Alex一起做各自的功课。
我告诉他我买了我一个星期的早餐，
可是我的housemate昨晚来我的房间拿掉我的早餐：
“I'm having cognitive dissonance now。”
他笑到肚子痛。
我也不懂有什么好笑，
我的心理真的不平衡嘛 哈哈哈 从来不喜欢别人搞乱我的计划。
Alex是一个很好又很欠打的人。
是他告诉我西马人对东马人的perspective的。
但是他总是很喜欢作弄我们（东马人），
他总是说：
“你们Sarawak有车的哈 ?”
“你们Sarawak有shopping malls的啊 ?”
故意激怒我们 哈哈哈。
然后终于有一天，
他在做他Econs的presentation，
他不会弄powerpoint，
就来问我：
“Eh Beatrice can you help me to do the animation thing ? Something like will pop out like that one.”
“Are you sure you are going to ask a Sarawakian to help you?”
他speechless。
我笑了 哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈 爽！
“Okay, I admitted I don't know how this time。”
HAHAHAHA。
但是他是一个好人啦。
还有一个人更欠打，
他认为我们东马人住乡下的。
“我比较好，我没有认为你们住在树上，是住在kampung里！”
Oh well.....................
I'M GOING BACK TO KUCHING IN 3 DAYS TIME ! :)
____________________________________________________________
我，
也很想念。
今天读了一个朋友的blog。
我呆滞了好久。
那个blog里面是写着，
她有多想念她的好朋友等等的。
我觉得想念这种事情是不能比较的，
没有比较想或比较不想，
可是我真的很想念她。
我和那个朋友唯一不一样的是，
她想念她的好朋友了，
回去还可以见面；
我想念我的好朋友了，
怎样能见面呢。
又想起了那个梦，
在那个梦里面，
我看见了她，
我有好多好多话对她说，
她却只是静静地看着我。
我知道我很容易被欺负，
她总是告诉我要学会保护自己，
变到有时候我会欺负她了 哈哈。
今天我的朋友也告诉我，
她的好朋友打来，
她很开心，聊了2个小时的电话。
我脑海又出现了你。
谁可以陪我煲电话粥啊；
谁又能听我在电话里大哭啊。
你想她，
我想她。
不一样的是，
我只能在梦里遇见她了。
____________________________________________________________
有时候觉得，
生活原本就很容易过的。
就是情绪化的人把生活弄到很麻烦。
而我就是那个情绪化的人。
我现在相信上帝之前给我的那些考验，
就是为了让我面对现在的日子。
Always keep your words soft and sweet,
just in case you have to eat them someday.
这句话很有意思。
说话缺德的人，
小心有一天把自己的话吃了噎着噢。
____________________________________________________________
30/4/16
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL.
I should've posted the blog above 1 year plus ago.
Life changed a lot.
I actually forgot how to start to write a blog and I just realized I don't use to type mandarin anymore /______\
“坚婷，你的华文跑哪去了 ?!”
Last year my Chinese subject teacher actually posted that comment in my post.
Hahahahahahahaha
There are lots of people who used to follow my blog but I don't really know how are you guys now but hope everything is well.
I remember I used to blog whenever I feel sad, happy, depressed, stress and all sorts of things LOL.
Sometimes I even cry while blogging omggg that's just funny whenever I think of it now.
And I also remember how my friends always ask me to mention them in my latest blog posts hahahaha that's so cute.
Until last year I got really really busy.
Thought studying SAM was easyyy but I'm wrong LOL.
'Cause they used to say 70% for internal assessments only 30% for final exams but WHO KNOWS INTERNAL ASSESSMENTS INCLUDE CLASS TEST -____- DUH.
It literally makes every "SMALL" class tests a big thing.
And I wished to study foundation actually because was thinking that as long as you pass the requirement you can get into the course you want.
Not like those general pre-u programmes that you really had to work hard to score WELL to grab a seat in your interested course.
但是呢最后还是读了SAM。
I wished to get an ATAR of 98 actually.
Although I didn't but I think I'm satisfied with 96.
It's because I took Psych and the points of obtaining A in Psych is not as high as Spec Maths or Science subjects.
And I didn't get merit for my Bio. Although I think it's okay 'cause at least I got a A+, but I couldn't forget how my bio teacher actually blamed me for not getting a merit for it LOL :(
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND
I worked part-time in TCSJ! Hehehehe never thought that it was this fun doing part-time job there hahahahaha and there are actually a lot of funny and cute stuffs inside that small admissions office!
There's one day I was working as receptionist.
没想到接电话也是这么难的一件事。
“Good morning, Taylor's College~”
然后：”Hold on please~”
Hold了电话之后马上用最快的速度scan through全部要转接的号码，
很困难地才找到要转的号码 LOL
Sometimes I even transferred the wrong call HAHAHAHA and the staffs actually called back and tell me which number to transfer *embarrassed*
还要接待父母、学生，
还要带他们campus tour，
When the counselors were tired I supposed, they will be like "Oh I have a student which completed SAM, I'll let her talk to you guys!"
然后还要向他们介绍下SAM。
But it's good which I sold alllllll my textbooks to them hahaha
But I remember on the same day,
It was raining very heavily outside.
有一个脸很臭的妈妈进来enquire，
要走的时候有一个counselor要撑伞送她到车上去，
但是，我总不能让一个老人家（That counselor looks pretty old)去送人家，
所以自己就volunteer。
我以为那个妈妈把车park在college carpark 'cause she's like "It's just there only!"
And she didn't smile at all when I first saw her, she even threw her things to me just because she wanted to go to toilet and need someone to hold her stuffs for her LOL.
But I still SMILE to her and say "Okay sure!"
And she brought me out of the college, across the road, all along (down) the road which it looks like flooding, about a 100 steps away from college's main door.
我帮她撑伞，
可是她好像不想让我撑，
就也伸手来撑伞，
But the thing is half of my body is already wet.
Even when she's getting into her car she's still a bit mad 'cause when she opens the door 有几滴雨喷到她 and she's like "Please hold the umbrella carefully!"
Yeap, and she slammed the car's door on my hand without sorry, or even thank you that I sent her back to her car.
我很很很很很委屈！！！！！！！！！
Holding a damn big heavy umbrella and going back to college's office.
Haih, it's not everyone that you treat them nice will also treat you nice.
I don't expect that but at least don't bully me. Lol.
But the next time when she came back to TCSJ and trying to look for counselors,
The staffs are asking me like “你要我去假假拿registration form来打她吗 ?”
LOOL Damn cute hahahahaahaha
And they all started to gather in office and say something bad about her HAHAAHA!
TCSJ Open Day!
That's another working weekends that I couldn't forget 'cause it's tooooooooo fun xD
Ps. They say without me helping it's boring okay!
HAHAHAHA
The fun thing is that we get to use walkie-talkies.
And I worked as usher, campus tour guide, in registration and counselling before so basically I was running around the college.
But there's once I reminded the ushers to tell me if there's 帅哥 coming in,
Use the walkie-talkie to send" EE O EE O"，“医噢医噢” signal！
*ACTUALLY I'm not interested but just having some fun! HAHAHA
And I really thought this was just a joke.
Until my funny Indian friend used the walkie-talkie and actually said VERY LOUD "EE O EE O!!!"
我们全部吓到了，
'cause I was working in the registration counter and there I was actually serving a family and that sound came outtttttttttttt OMGGGGGGG I quickly turned down the volume!!
And then there's another funny Indian friend (LOOOL I just love them so much 'cause they're soooo funny) who screamed "BEATRICE, EE O EE O" in front of the two handsome guys (she reckoned)
And the two guys actually turned back and looked at her like, "Yes?"
DAMN AWKWARD AND FUNNY!
她还趁机搭讪“What's your name?”
Duhhhh.
And we used the walkie-talkie to play with security guards when we worked as ushers.
Never know the guards are so cute too LOL.
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww was throwing back too much.
__________________________________________________________
有些人那么努力想要活下来；
为什么偏偏有些人却那么不争气地结束自己的生命。
那些人都那么善良。
为什么就不活了。
是世界太黑暗吗
是这世界太可怕吗。
是不是坏人太多了。
道德观念沦丧，
是因为很多人都太自私了吗。
每一次都努力想成为更好的人，
每一次都想不自私地对别人付出，
可是每一次都失望了。
有谁真正懂呢。
反而你一直一直对他们好，
有一天不好了，
他们才会记得，
会提醒你怎么不好了。
好累哦。
可是谁懂啊。
我说不了我自己不OK。
不知道什么时候开始，
渐渐地可能不对别人说了。
因为觉得真正的痛苦是说不出来的，
能说出来的都不是痛苦。
世界上那么多人受苦受难，
因为自己经历这一点事情就喊累，
那我自己岂不是和那些无病呻吟的人一样。
所以当有人能对你说：
“I feel like you're not okay.”
I just feel thankful. Thank you for understanding.
I am not okay.
But I will be okay.
Even when someone just grab your shoulders,
touch your head,
you will feel like,
they're saying "Yeah you did well enough.辛苦了。" silently.
I was holding back my tears.
Really hard.
Until Coco grabbed my shoulders.
I couldn't resist.
Maybe I just need a hug.
_________________________________________________
I had this strange feeling when Coco told me he actually disappeared for few days.
I was worried.
Like
really worried.
I thought like what they said,
He's fine.
I know this is not good but,
I accidentally saw the message of my friend's,
"They've lost a bro".
I couldn't stop thinking about it.
I confronted them,
I cried.
Was keep repeating:
"Is he okay?"
"Can you tell me, is he okay? Please."
No answer.
Which I fear more.
One thing I really hate about myself is I caaaaaaaaaannot control my tears DUH.
"Then can you at least tell me, do you think, he is happy now?"
“Sorry I couldn't answer this.”
All she did was hugging me. And all I did was crying.
Because him himself decided to end his life?
...................
I guess so.
I just talked to him last week.
We were just making fun of him. Last week.
I remember he is the one who always play guitar when we're having iconnect group gathering.
And we discussed about him before saying he's nice polite gentle kind.
But who knows a person like that hid a lot of secrets and sufferings behind that no one actually tries to understand and listen to him.
I felt pain for him.
Deep inside.
Just can't imagine how did he suffer that makes him decide to do this.
I really hope he is happy now.
With God.
At least, I have an angel friend up there with him :)
I will miss you my friend.
____________________________________________________
Thank you everyone,Who are always with me.I love you all.So blessed and lucky to have y'all.
Thanks to the one who first listened to me when I have no one to talk to,
And thanks to the one who can't leave me alone and follow me wherever I go.
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December 2011